February232012

Living my dream

To whom ever this concerns,

What do we do when our source of light goes out? What is it that we do. You know why my source always goes out? It’s because I never know what makes my source burn bright. I think we all just know that we have source of light that burns and makes us feel warm. But one day that light goes out and we never know how to make it burn again. I fill my light with a sort of fake like. That makes me feel like I am warm when I am really not. Makes me feel normal when I know I am actually as cold as ice. I wonder if I am always just so cold that that is my warm? And that I have actually never been warm? And it was all just a lie. What makes me, well me, is that I never know. Just the codes and keys in my head shift like gears. I wonder about everything and I always question everything. Am I really happy? At this point no. Who’s fault? My own because I don’t know what to do. Every second passing by without a source of warmth is time wasted in anyone persons life. I saw a video today in my class about a boy who was so hurt by people at his school he killed himself. Can you imagine feeling so empty and just unwanted you feel you need to just end it for good? That is terrible. The only thing keeping me from being insane is simply myself for questioning everything. If I didn’t I know I would not be to far off from the point. Everyone thinks I am different and that I might be a little bit crazy. Maybe that’s what keeps me in my well being. Or my well being from their point of view. In reality what goes on in a murderer’s mind? Who knows? What goes on in my mind? Everything. Anything. And at the same time nothing. Just the same want to have warmth as before. And the same feeling of defeat when it leaves me. The same feeling of nothingness. The same feeling of being a nobody right? I guess not to many people know the feeling of being nobody with no where to go. Just doing what people telling them to do to make themselves feel good. Doing what society tells them. People with a purpose. Warmth and a place to be.

Living my dream right?

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